finding a job

I need to find a job
this shouldnt be too hard
Ive trained for this
Ive got the skills

no wait

I have the skills
to do a job
not
to find a job

previously
Ive looked for convenience
and money
but now

although those are nice
I want something
more than
a job

the clock

the clock goes off
every morning
every hour
every second

watching it tick
slowly away
or is it quick
where does it go

set a timer
then watch it lapse
without doing
a single thing

inspiration

what is it that
inspires us
to get things done

we need
motivation,
but we also need
direction

is a vision
the same thing as a goal
or is it more
is it passion
that drives

is there a metaphor
to explain
what brings out
genius

and can there be
genius
without inspiration

depressive manic

how do you judge
how happy you are
when you know that
the way you feel is wrong

If your most basic trust
was revealed as fraud
that your very sensation
was playing tricks

Most of the time
of course
things seem perfectly
ordinary,

but other times a known
"hooray" makes you feel
a sense of dread
or pains provide relief

you develop a filter
an extra layer added
blurring interpretation
shaking the solid lines

it makes you question
what is real
what matters here
maybe Im wrong

you judge
yourself
you judge
everyone else

when you fake a yay
or simply say okay
when insides is boiling
filled with inexhaustible flames

what are you
supposed to do
stagger on through
a world of drifting senses

candide

"we live

in the best

of all possible

worlds"

he thought

as he watched

somebody

push him

into traffic

he awoke sweating

fearing his faith

floating through

had never

steered him wrong

but he worried

was fate kind

was weathering any storm

as good as avoiding the rain

after many years

of disuse

his oar had become

a rudder

he couldnt tell

if the subtle drag

was better or worse

than rowing in circles

he worried

only for a moment

and then

he went to work

dead on the sidewalk

I saw it there

and couldnt help

but think how

did this happen

did it crash into a window

die choking on plastic

inhale too much smog

or eat poison left for rats

obviously this

bird

was just not cut out

for the city

but maybe

it was born here

and simply couldnt

take it anymore

what brought it here

better nesting spots

did it follow another bird

was it led astray

where was it born?

did it dream of starry nights

of fresh air

and open fields

formerly

did it sit in parks

accepting handouts

remembering better days

or maybe,

it was just a bird

and wasnt worth

worrying over

the end

have you ever

thought about it

it is coming

did you know

each of us

has to wait

for our own

single unique day

the one that

starts with alive

but ends with

dead