depressive manic

how do you judge
how happy you are
when you know that
the way you feel is wrong

If your most basic trust
was revealed as fraud
that your very sensation
was playing tricks

Most of the time
of course
things seem perfectly
ordinary,

but other times a known
"hooray" makes you feel
a sense of dread
or pains provide relief

you develop a filter
an extra layer added
blurring interpretation
shaking the solid lines

it makes you question
what is real
what matters here
maybe Im wrong

you judge
yourself
you judge
everyone else

when you fake a yay
or simply say okay
when insides is boiling
filled with inexhaustible flames

what are you
supposed to do
stagger on through
a world of drifting senses